More unintentional humor... Excerpts from classified advertisements, collected from a variety of sources, all supposedly true.

Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.

Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.

The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.

3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.