From an anonymous Craigslist poster...
Is Everyone Sure They Haven't Missed Me?
1.) I was at the Au Bon Pain in Harvard Square on Tuesday, May 25, at about 4:00 P.M. I was wearing a leather jacket and a pair of sneakers. Did anyone miss me?
2.) On Saturday, May 30, I was at the MFA, lurking around in the medieval gallery, hoping for a chance to expound on the development of egg-based paint. Did anyone miss this opportunity? I was wearing a fez and a variety of revolutionary buttons.
3.) Yesterday I was arraigned in Federal District Court for conspiracy to improve the United States Mail. I was clad in an orange jumpsuit. Did any of y'all miss me?
4.) Last Thursday I was on the red line between Davis and Porter. I was reading "Das Kapital" in Dutch and was tripping on NyQuil. I was wearing a vibrantly blue sombrero and an expression of pious complacency. My hands were dirty from a long morning of gardening, and the Six-Million Dollar Man decal on my t-shirt was starting to separate from the fabric. To my knowledge no one caught my eye and smiled at me. Is everyone sure about this?