I received a very nice email over the weekend from a reader who explained that he has everything that people typically assume will bring happiness, but that he isn't as happy as he thinks he should be. I hear this a lot. Since my recent posts have drifted away from my stated purpose for the blog, I thought this would be a good time to circle back and summarize what I've learned about happiness, one of this blog's key themes. I don't have all the answers (yet), but here's what I know so far, in no particular order:
1. First decide if happiness is what you really want. Most people live as if happiness is the ultimate goal, but it need not be.
2. Happiness and pleasure are often confused, and this confusion usually results in more pleasure and less happiness.
3. Most people are wrong about what would make them happy. If you systematically examine what makes you happy (for example by keeping a journal for a few weeks), you'll probably be surprised.
4. Money and happiness are positively correlated only up to the level of moderate affluence.
5. Your genes have given you a default happiness set point, but you can break free from it with effort.
6. Examine what makes others happy, for example by studying the burgeoning field of positive psychology.
7. Have a safety net. Develop positive social relationships, and have some activities or hobbies that brighten your mood whenever you need a temporary boost.
8. Understand the relationship between purpose and happiness, and the ways a purposeful life can lead to happiness.
9. Get off the hedonistic treadmill.
10. Cultivate an appreciation for the little things. People who wrote down a few things they were grateful for each day reported a significant rise in happiness.
11. Don't let your happiness be determined by how you're doing relative to others.
12. Happiness is affected by the interplay of expectations, circumstances, and interpretations. You have at least some control over all three.
13. Providing happiness to others is a good way to achieve happiness yourself.
1. First decide if happiness is what you really want. Most people live as if happiness is the ultimate goal, but it need not be.
2. Happiness and pleasure are often confused, and this confusion usually results in more pleasure and less happiness.
3. Most people are wrong about what would make them happy. If you systematically examine what makes you happy (for example by keeping a journal for a few weeks), you'll probably be surprised.
4. Money and happiness are positively correlated only up to the level of moderate affluence.
5. Your genes have given you a default happiness set point, but you can break free from it with effort.
6. Examine what makes others happy, for example by studying the burgeoning field of positive psychology.
7. Have a safety net. Develop positive social relationships, and have some activities or hobbies that brighten your mood whenever you need a temporary boost.
8. Understand the relationship between purpose and happiness, and the ways a purposeful life can lead to happiness.
9. Get off the hedonistic treadmill.
10. Cultivate an appreciation for the little things. People who wrote down a few things they were grateful for each day reported a significant rise in happiness.
11. Don't let your happiness be determined by how you're doing relative to others.
12. Happiness is affected by the interplay of expectations, circumstances, and interpretations. You have at least some control over all three.
13. Providing happiness to others is a good way to achieve happiness yourself.
posted by howtolive.org at
10:49 AM
9 Comments:
good list. two more to add:
- there are many routes to happiness, and what works for one person won't always work for another person
- joy is not just extreme happiness, and if you pursue only happiness you may miss out on joy
By
Anonymous, at 11:15 AM
Wow, it's as if you are speaking to me. I've been feeling like your reader for years. I have a good salary, friends, a loving and wonderful strong relationship. Yet, no matter what I buy, where I move, what jobs I've had, I cannot seem to be happy. I find no joy in my life, but just move through the motions. I've tried many routes to happiness, but I'm still at square one. Thank you for your informative and useful post.
By
happilycoupled, at 11:29 AM
Just superb. What a wonderful summary. I think number 8 is especially important. It would be impossible to stress too much just how important purpose is to happiness. (It is my hunch that a sense of purpose may be the thing people such as your emailer are lacking.)
By
DL, at 2:28 PM
All, thanks for the comments, I'm happy to hear that you found my list to be useful. A few months ago I read a book that all three of you might enjoy: "Happier" by Tal Ben-Shahar. I may have already recommended it on my blog, but just in case I didn't, check it out, I think you'll like it. There are a lot of other books on happiness and meaning that I also think are valuable (Baumeister's The Meanings of Life, Gilbert's Stumbling on Happiness, etc), but I think Happier is a better starting point.
By
howtolive.org, at 3:56 PM
What a great list, thank you!
I wish I could find purpose or meaning in life, maybe that would make me feel better. Only, I don't believe there is purpose or meaning in life... i'll start with self examination of everyday things that make me "happy"... or bring joy to my life.
By
Anonymous, at 6:13 PM
Anonymous #2:
This is my opinion about the meaning of life: There is no external "meaning" to life, no meaning that is the same for all of us, for we are (in my opinion) living in a materialistic world and we are just made up of tiny particles. However this doesn't have to lead to nihilism (trust me, I've been there, it's not fun).
BUT, we do have intrinsic value and intrinsic meaning to our lives. What happens to us does matter. Sure, the universe itself doesn't care what happens to us, any more than the universe has arms and legs: it simply cannot, it is a non thinking, mechanical, likely deterministic "machine". But things do, obviously, matter to us! And I think that's the important thing to remember. If something matters, it's because it matters for us living beings.
So where do I get my meaning from? Trying to decipher this wonder that is the universe, studying philosophy, ethics, metaphysics etc., trying to make a difference to others in the world, and so on. Obviously other people will have different ways of gaining meaning and purpose. Some are more artistic, or musical, or sporty, or scientific. I think meaning is different for every individual, but it sure is there!
I hope this might have helped a bit.
By
DL, at 5:08 AM
Happiness-The transcendence from one point in time to another in which the perceiver views what he/she/it believes to be an improvement in their universe.
Pleasure-A conditional experience brought upon by an input made directly to the perceiver.
By
Anonymous, at 7:39 AM
I enjoy your post, but one thing stuck out as extremely odd to say. You tell people to "get off the hedonistic treadmill," but that is a VERY difficult thing to do. I have yet to see any psychological research that shows people who have been able to accomplish this (or even studied how to get off it, for that matter).
It is such that it is human nature to get used to things; we get used to scents, noises, etc. We also get used to a particular level of happiness, and search for a higher level. I'm not sure how one would go about "getting off the hedonistic treadmill." To me, that statement seems as silly as telling someone to stop getting used to a strong scent after being around it for a long period of time.
I do agree that people have to readjust how they view happiness. A lot of psychological literature regarding the pursuit of happiness suggests that people stop seeing it as an end. We are always striving toward happiness instead of just allowing ourselves to be happy while we strive for whatever other goals we have.
Great insight can be gained from the psychological literature on happiness. Make sure to look up the academic stuff and not just go to the self-help stuff at the nearest book store, though.
By
Anonymous, at 9:47 PM
My daughter, who is a senior in high school and is taking a philosophy class, recenly initiated a discussion on the subject of happiness. After some solid Socratic searching, we concluded a couple of things about happiness:
1. The opposite of Happiness is despair. Sadness is traditionally seen as the opposite, but sadness is a temporary emotion. Happiness is less transitory than simple momentary emotion.
2. One can be happy and sad at the same time. If there is some tragedy, we are capable of finding the positive within difficult circumstance. Outside stimuli do not determine happiness. Happiness is really a decision, in regards to external stimuli.
3. Though one can find a way to be happy, regardless of external stimuli, when internal moral barriers are crossed, one cannot be happy. When we violate our own self, when the internal compass is ignored, that is when happiness is truly out of reach.
So our working definition of happiness became:
"A sense of pleasure when considering one's self."
By
Donald, at 1:47 PM
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